I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
