The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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