The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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