OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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