Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
