honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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