I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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