my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
