Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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