So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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