My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
