I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
