I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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