I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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