you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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