I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
