dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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