When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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