She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize