Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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