my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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