I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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