The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ketchup is God's man juice
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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