i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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