Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
