I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
