Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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