fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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