Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
