we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
