If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
