DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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