Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
