how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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