Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
