Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
bring money and cleavage
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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