I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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