Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
