Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize