They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
