Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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