the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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