We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
