I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
