they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
