Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
