he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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