I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
