I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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