I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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