in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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