Can i not drive my cunt home
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
