I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
