I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
