just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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