Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
