failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
