My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
