Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
