I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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