i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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