I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
