No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You need a sexual gate keeper
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
