That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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