sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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