I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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