mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
