It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
