I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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