my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
