so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
