apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
