so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
