My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
