you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
