Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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