apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
