My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
