The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
