I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
