Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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