i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
