Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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