Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
