it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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