So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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