Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
