Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
