when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
