wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
only if we run a train.
done.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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