Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
