There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
