she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
