Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have already put on my inside pants.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
