Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
