if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize