i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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