Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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