Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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