no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
