why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize