Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this will be a night to untag.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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