ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
