that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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