____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize