what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i will never coherently bang her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
