win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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