i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
